Including today, there are 8 days till August 8 – my 40th
birthday. I have pondered this birthday quite a bit over the past few weeks,
and what has come to mind the most as I have reflected on my life to this point
are the lessons I have learned. These next 8 days, I will share with you 8
lessons that I have learned that have made me who I am today. Enjoy.
LESSON #1
If you want to understand me, truly, think of a bull in a
china shop…who desperately loves china.
That is me in one sentence. I have always desperately loved people and
craved relationships of meaning. The thing I want most in life is to know that
somehow I have been able to bless the lives of others and made them happier
somehow by something I did or said. And honestly, God gave me more than a fair
share of talent and ability to do and to say. And I have passion and faith and
desire – I certainly am willing. But I am also awkward, rough, blunt, and a bit
too much for people – and many of the very relationships I so badly want and
need and love, break.
Yes, I wear people out and offend them and overwhelm them
and bull them over. Like the bull that doesn’t quite fit in the china shop, I
break things. Then when I excitedly turn to see and touch the next beautiful
relationship, it continues. It is a hard thing for me. While I have known and
do know many, many people and have many who I would claim as my friend, I have
spent most of my life feeling lonely.
It didn’t help that we moved around in my youth. I never
lived anywhere quite long enough to have really close, long-term friends. And
those I did befriend, usually found easier friendships with higher rewards than
what I could probably offer. I never really learned how to be a great friend.
I remember one day being in my room after being sent there
for something I did wrong. I was probably 11-12 years old. For context, understand that when I was that
age, I was the smallest kid in my school, was totally ADHD (literally), had Tourette’s,
and well, had my personality. A tough mixture to live with at times.
Anyway, my father came into the room to talk to me about
things. I remember the conversation very well because as I was expressing my frustration to my dad about
how I didn’t have any friends, and how I didn’t feel liked, and that I was
lonely, my father began to breakdown and
sob. It was the first time I remember seeing him cry like that and it surprised
me. This big, tough man crying like it were him suffering. I was puzzled at it.
I mean, why would he cry because of what I said?
Then, my dad quietly told me that he understood and that he
hurt for me.
To be honest, I don’t remember much else about that
conversation. But I will forever remember how my father felt deeply for me.
As I have thought upon that experience many times since,
this scripture has often come to mind:
3. He
is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and
acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he
was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4. Surely he
hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did
esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5. But he was wounded for
our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the
chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we
are healed.
--Isaiah
53: 3-5
It has taken me years to really develop the meaningful
relationship I have now with my Savior. And as I have tried to strive to gain
that relationship and truly understand what it means, my father’s example has
been a primary example for me. I truly have seen that moment in my bedroom like
watching Christ himself, crying and suffering for me.
Alma 7:12, in the Book of Mormon, it says,
12.
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of
death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that
his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know
according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their
infirmities.
I’m not sure exactly how it is all done, but I have long
known what that felt like and looks like. As I watched my father act as Christ
would have. It was truly a Christ-like moment that I have leaned on for a long
time and tried to emulate with those I know and especially now my own family.
The first covenant of our journey toward eternal life is made
in baptism. In Mosiah 18: 8-11 (also in the book of Mormon), it tells us about
the significance of the baptismal covenant.
8 And
it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon
(for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of
God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s
burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to
mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of
comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things,
and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed
of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may
have eternal life—
10 Now I say
unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in
the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered
into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his
commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?
11 And now
when the people had heard these words, they clapped their hands for joy, and
exclaimed: This is the desire of our hearts.
My dad bore my burdens and mourned with me. He showed me
what it really means to take upon me the name of Christ. It was one moment, but
it has had great impact on my life.
When I contemplate what the desire of my heart is, like
the people in the story, I exclaim, “YES! That is the desire of my heart! More
than anything! Please God, help me be a bearer of burdens, one who comforts,
and one who mourns with those who mourn!”
And so I try again, each day. Even in my own awkward way, I
try. Because the way my father made me feel that day was how I want others to feel. Now if only I could only be less of a bull.
No comments:
Post a Comment